Modern Genesis

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Modern Genesis

Postby benzocaine » Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:16 pm

In the beginning....God covered the earth with
>>broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green and
>>yellow and red vegetable of all kinds, so Man
>>and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
>>Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
>>and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said:
>>You want hot fudge with that?
>>And Man said: yes!
>>And Woman said:
>>I'll have one too, with sprinkles.
>>And, lo, they gained 10 pounds.
>>And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might
>>keep the figure that Man found so fair.
>>And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and
>>sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman
>>went from size 2 to size 14.
>>So God said:
>>Try my fresh green garden salad.
>>And Satan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic toast
>>on the side.
>>And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
>>God then said:
>>I have sent you heart healthy
>>vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.
>>And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped
>>lobster chunks and chicken-fried big that it needed its
>>own platter.
>>And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
>>Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
>>fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
>>Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
>>the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in
>>animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
>>And Man put on more pounds.
>>God then brought forth running shoes so that his
>>Children might lose those extra pounds.
>>And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
>>control so Man would not have to toil changing the
>>channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the
>>flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
>>God then gave them lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
>>calories and still satisfy his appetite.
>>And Satan created McDonald's and the 99 cent double cheeseburger.
>>Then Satan said: You want fries with that?
>>And Man replied: Yes! And super size 'em!
>>And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
>>God sighed....and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
>>And then...Satan chuckled and created HMOs.
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