Adam Lambert/The Bold, The Beautiful..did you know?....

[PreyingMantis]

http://theview.abc.go.com/video/what-do ... am-lambert

The other day my son was listening to this song and I fell in love with it. Little did I know that this beautiful young man is actually homosexual. He puts the looks of most women to shame. My son listens to strange music, wears strange clothes and has strange friends. However, I do my best to try his interests to keep an eye on him and stay his friend. Preteen funk is no fun at all. And he is my only baby so I will do what ever it takes to stay in his world.

So my son proceeds to tell me about Adam Lambert, that he was on American Idol~another interest I am trying to join. He showed me performances on there from songs by Queen, etc. My, my is he good! I support this young fellow. He not only stands up for himself and proud of who he is and what he has become but is EXTREMLY TALENTED.

My son is trying to teach me how do all this internet stuff. I still am learning how to post pictures and websites with the titles so bare with me.

[Bill Glasheen]

Little did I know that this beautiful young man is actually homosexual.

Your gaydar suks, Mary Ann.

I'm not a person who watches TV. But American Idol is on in our gym during karate hours. One of the moms of my teenage female student used to talk to me all the time about the program.

Adam is the dyed-black-hair, eyeliner-wearing contestant that a certain genre of peripubescent girl was crazy about. Sigh... Sorry, kiddies, but he's just a little too pretty to be straight.

Great voice though. He has a future if he links up with a good songwriter. Kind of a Freddie Mercury in the making.

- Bill

[PreyingMantis]

Well, I did have my wonders. However, I had no clue who this boy was. All I know is that I fell in love with his voice. He is tremendous! Gay or not, I love this kid. My son has great taste in music. Not what I am used to my old 60's, 70's and 80's. This stuff has potential to go very far whatever this pop music you call it. There are some singers he listens to that really get under my skin like Miley Cyrus, child of the one hit wonder father Billy Ray Cyrus???? I hate country music or anything that remotely sounds like it. It makes my stomach turn. Of course out here in the mid west not many people can stand the country slang. I myself have a difficult time understanding folks that have a southern accent for that matter.

I have a hard time trying to sit and focus watching American Idol. I really feel it is a bit redundant. Just get to the good stuff on and save quality air show time. But there have been some outstanding winners and runner uppers. At least the folks that gain record contracts have their own sense of style. Some of the music that my boy listens to concerns me as it gets stuck in my head and later after repeating the song a hundred times I then pay attention to the lyrics. OMG! All of the songs sing about sex, etc. Why is it a talented singer degrades themselves to loose such respect for themselves, resulting into only singing about bad stuff????

I am just babbling. Life has changed so much from my day. When I grew up we listened to songs about things of real life and importance. It's dissappointing, but maybe like everything else, what comes around goes around.

[IJ]

I *wish* there was something to the line about "he's just a little too pretty to be straight," but there isn't. Makeup will do wonders for anyone, as anyone who has seen and possibly not recognized Mariah Carey in Precious already knows (google image that!). And Adam needed a good dermatologist in his teen years--could have saved him some scarring. Parents! Make your kids treat their acne and stay out of the sun!

But anyway. What difference does it make that he's gay? He can't make any other guys gay, and he seems to be promoting the tweener straightness of some young ladies. He's gay for the same reason he has a great voice: just hatched that way. I do support the idea of limiting access to stars, or favoring stars, depending on their behavior. These are lucky people and they should behave. But putting the most egregious things he's done in context, straight television bathes viewers in far more than kisses all of the time. And worse: you can watch people killing each other every minute the set is on. Why the fuss?

[Bill Glasheen]

I *wish* there was something to the line about "he's just a little too pretty to be straight," but there isn't.

My gay community friends would say "BS" to that, Ian. And FWIW, I didn't make up the word "gaydar." I learned it from a dear friend of mine whose lesbian preference was a secret between the two of us for half a dozen years. (My wife thought we were having an affair. I didn't blow her cover just to make peace at home.)

There are many subtle ways to tell. You're a tougher nut to crack, Ian, because you're not an emotional person at all. It cracked me up years ago when Vicki was suggesting "cute girls" you could go out with. But with others, not so difficult.

A well-known Uechika hid his gay preference for years - mostly because at the time it was frowned upon and he was teaching lots of kiddie classes. Hiding it kept the peace. But I picked up on it one day when I introduced a girlfriend to him. I saw a response that I had never seen in most men. A few years later, another girlfriend came up to me and said she thought he was gay - for the same reason. Very subtle, but definitely there.

Adam Lambert is not all that subtle.

Why should we care? Well... Some of us are people watchers, Ian. At UVa I used to go to Graduate Happy Hour in the summer and sit up on a hill with my dog to watch how people interacted with each other. Mating rituals are a most fascinating thing. No need to get worked up about it.

One of my friends even gave me grief a few years back when he saw me meet a girl for the first time at a bar. Little did I know... He was off to the side with some friends making bets about when she would touch my hand, etc., etc. Oh and there were some sparks, so... it's not like "the ritual" wasn't in full bloom.

Many, many years ago I used to get hit on a lot by gays at UVa. It took me a while to figure out the language. I was oblivious, and didn't know when I was being "courted." Now I understand, and just enjoy watching the games people play.

Makeup will do wonders for anyone

There is makeup, and then there is makeup. It's the difference between a TV news anchor and Little Richard. Eyeliner isn't needed to cover up your acne. And while it isn't a license to be gay, it's definitely "off the wall" for a straight guy. It's a clue...

But anyway. What difference does it make that he's gay?

Little did you know that a woman we both know was very upset that a friend of yours was gay. She loved him dearly, and he couldn't love her "that way." No need to name names... you know the wonderful people I'm talking about. Anyhoo... If you're a heterosexual female and a young lad makes your loins quiver, knowing he's gay isn't going to be welcome news. No need to be defensive about that; it is what it is.

Meanwhile... All's well that ends well, right? Of the 3 people I'm talking about from the past, all 3 are married - in some fashion. All 3 appear to be enormously happy, and living very rich lives. And in the end, that's all that matters.

Sooo.... pull up a chair and have some popcorn. This is a conversation with little to no social significance. It's junk food for the brain.



- Bill

[Van Canna]

[IJ]

Bill I think you may have misread my post. There is NO question that some people can tell when some people are gay, and it isn't hard to think of a bunch of reasons why this might be useful. I remember going to lunch with a new friend in Boston who had just come out of the closet and as we walked down a few blocks in the ole gayborhood to where we were eating, I saw 3 couples and maybe 4-5 other obvious candidates, and remarked, "isn't it nice to have a place where you don't feel like you're the only one," or something like that. This person didn't pick up on one of them. Or how about when I began a new rotation at the Dana Farber bone marrow transplant unit. We entered the room of a dying person who'd been there for months not responding to treatment, and after seeing him we left to discuss the plan. Someone mentioned that his friend was sure nice spending all that time with him, and I had to ask, "Um, isn't that his PARTNER? You know, his husband?" None of these people were aware for weeks taking care of this guy that he'd be leaving behind a widow in less than 30 hours.

My point was merely that you can't go by whether someone is "pretty." I don't doubt that more gay guys that straight guys would like to be pretty, but I can't say I see any evidence that they are. They may try harder to be pretty, they may be more noticeable or play it up when they are, but that's it. [Context plays a big role--Zac Efron certainly plays up the prettiness, but you can't tell sometimes whether someone is queer as a three dollar bill or just a "Disney kid" (see whatshisname... Justin Bieber for the larval version... with the way out of his league maybe girlfriend and too much lip gloss. For anyone!) He and others are making it more acceptable for straight guys to present themselves that way, but Joe Schmoe doing a Zac impression out of the context of teen heartthrob sets off many alarms. Ricky Martin and Clay Gaiken... scuse me Gay Aiken... darn it! CLAY AIKEN had the cameras to pander too, but there were still some signs... visible from orbit.] And it's not easy being a young gay guy who wants to be pretty but is actually overweight, unattractive, hairy, the wrong race, or whatever else is out that month. Mean "girls" can be tough on the imperfect ones.

Also, the friend of mine I think you're referring to is happily married. To a woman. Who could have read THAT?

[Bill Glasheen]

A little bit of education on predictive (logistic) modeling is in order.

We all are pattern recognition animals. Some of us make a living building mathematical models that predict whether or not an event (such as a hospital admission) will happen. There will be true positives, false positives, true negatives, and false negatives in the crossing of what a model predicts (expected) vs. what God's truth is (actual).

Let's assume we can call people either straight or gay. Given that sexual orientation is more about a spectrum than a binary issue, that's a bit of a stretch. But we humans simplify so that we can function. And when it comes down to actual coupling, you're either going to get a heterosexual or a non-heterosexual match.

Our "model" can predict either straight or gay. The reality is either straight or gay. Let's assume we want our model to be oriented towards "gayness." Call it a "gaydar" model. So predict gay and is gay is a true positive. Predict straight and is straight is a true negative. Predict gay and is straight is a false positive, and predict straight and is gay is a false negative.

Damn few models are perfect for the universe of events. But there are measures that come from the "truth table" (such as positive predictive value) that evaluate how good the model is. If it's much better than random chance, then you might be able to sell that model. I've worked for companies that sold models (for $$$) that predict whether or not someone will be admitted to the hospital next year. That's a useful tool, as intervention of the predicted population may help a health plan save $$ of those $$$. Every nickel helps!

People who have good "gaydar" are people who - by their ability to acquire and process real-world data - are able to guess "gay" better than a random chance model. And such people exist.

And it isn't just one thing.

My point was merely that you can't go by whether someone is "pretty."

That depends, Ian.

There is pretty...



...and then there is pretty.

Also, the friend of mine I think you're referring to is happily married. To a woman. Who could have read THAT?

I could have. But you had to have witnessed what I witnessed.

Over a beer some time.

Just for your entertainment...

The Ambiguously Gay Duo

- Bill

[Mars Bar]

Let me know when we get to religion.....

Given that sexual orientation is more about a spectrum than a binary issue, that's a bit of a stretch. But we humans simplify so that we can function. And when it comes down to actual coupling, you're either going to get a heterosexual or a non-heterosexual match.

Nothing like taking all the fun and magic out of it

[Bill Glasheen]

Nothing like taking all the fun and magic out of it

Do you believe in magic, Mary?

A person after my heart...



- Bill

With apologies to The Lovin Spoonful

[IJ]

I think I know more than you think I do about the events you are hinting at. Anyhoo, I don't think Adam is pretty, sorry! He's just... attempting glam. And golly, I hope you didn't watch that whole cartoon!

[Mars Bar]

You shouldn't judge a book by its cover?

http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/2 ... icture.htm


Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran (Was) married with child...perhaps if Adam was in a different profession he would look a little different. It's very easy to be manipulated by one's peers and the press.

[Bill Glasheen]

I hope you didn't watch that whole cartoon!

The Ambiguously Gay Duo was created and produced by Robert Smigel and J. J. Sedelmaier. It appeared as individual mini-skits on SNL. What you see is ALL of the skits in one long stretch.

In small doses, it's quite funny. Like a lot of things involving uniqueness and prejudice, the best thing (IMNSHO) is to say "fuk it" with the prejudice and make fun of everything and everyone. Nobody is spared.

When we can laugh at ourselves, then we get to enjoy that which makes us unique and fun to be around.

I cannot tell you the joy I had keeping the rumor of "my affair" with my (lesbian) assistant alive for five (5) years. The fun I had being the studmuffin folks at work thought I was... The satisfaction I felt when finally my assistant came out of the closet and my wife found out just who "that hussie" was... I have several more such stories involving a long, strange trip I've had with my gay and lesbian friends.

Same with having grown up in a black neighborhood, and people today assuming I've lived a sheltered, white life. Or them not knowing that I had Asian housemates at UVa for a decade.

I love that which makes us unique. And I also love poking at people who take themselves waaaay too seriously.

Stereotypes are stereotypes, and reality is reality. And then there is perception.

And self deprication.



- Bill

[IJ]

"Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran (Was) married with child...perhaps if Adam was in a different profession he would look a little different. It's very easy to be manipulated by one's peers and the press."

Sometimes married with child just means repressed, but sure, there are plenty of people one can't be sure about, like the pretty boy Disney characters I mentioned before. Zac Efron in High School Musical = unknown; unlikely; Joe Schmoe feigning Zac at a club = raises eyebrows.

We could also watch the arc of the style. Looked like Adam was holding back, trying not to scare middle America nor be someone he wasn't and once he had done well, .... then just check out his first album cover, or his yawn inducing yet controversial (because of kiss) performance on live TV. Subtlety = gone. Or the voice--not the singing, the speaking voice. Something composite, the way one assesses race and age and accent and so on. Not always spot on...