gary6dan »
Occasionally at work and in public places, strangers invade your space and make physical contact through bumping into you. Being a polite and courteous person, you generally say "excuse me", even when it is not your fault.
While you always try to be aware, at times as in a public work/shopping enviroment, close proximity is common. The brushing of another person may be common at times and accepted as accidental and unintentional.
However, at times, the brushing of another (or contact) is questioned as its being deliberate, intentional or just arrogance. Especially when ackowledgment is not expresses.
At these times, you bite your tongue knowing that speeking out may invite potential conflict. So, we let it go. However, at some point, you lash out at someone automatically with, Hey, watch out ! or, Watch were your going ? Or "Excuse me !" (sarcastically)
He then turns and uses verbal intimidation tactics that work most of the time for him. As being somewhat big in size and appearing rough or scruffy, many generally will stand down apologetically, even when it was not their fault.
However you/me have done the "avoidance" dance one to many times. In holding your ground by not retreating or backing down from your responce, he takes notion of closing distance while verbal engagement that, while not stating words of physical threat, presents "body language" of potential threat.
"Red alert", hands come up as all the elements we speak of come into play. Distancing, timing, reactionary response, positioning etc.
At this point, one of two things happen:
1. He stay outside or the "reach zone" and the situation de-esculates.
2. He continues to enter your zone and you engage pre-emptedly or otherwise.
I think the key here would be to get off a combination of 3 to 4 well conecting head shots before he knows what hit him ! Engage and commit to offensive intent.
Yes, I speak often of "avoidence" and verbal de-esculation and believe it to be the first line of defense. However, when those options are not available, you must be prepared intantaniously without hesitation to engage.
While many in this country are now so multi-cultural and from different countries, having dealt with many of these people, I find that their behaviour, manourism and verbal comunication skills often differ from our "learned" expectations.
While others, that are from here, simply lack communication skills that often lead to verbal confrontation and esculate to physical violence.
As suggested in the book "The Dark Side of Man" there is a biological/wiring within man that often resorts to violence "instictively" while as a society, we are taught and programed to "cage" that hostility and behave more civilized.
Do we really think that if laws and prisons did not exsist, as many people would avoid acts of violence as they do ? Are we all so civilized and non-violent as we would believe ? What about that "edge" that so many are on, dealing with life itself ?
"In any major urban area, street contacts with mentally or emotionally disturbed persons are practically unavoidable. According to the American Psychiatric Association, one of every three Americans will suffer some form of serious mental or emotional illness at some point in his life.
Gary S.