Son starts off on the right foot

[Bill Glasheen]

I used to take my oldest son with me everywhere. Mom took a while to get into the mode of being a parent, so dad just took him wherever he went. I used to walk around class barking "ichi, ni, san..." while simultaneously holding and burping my son with a single arm/hand. He would provide "mushin training" by running his truck in-between karateka while they were doing their Sanchins.

He did a little karate through the years. A little... He got up to about green belt level with a lot of "extra" material thrown in, and then sort of lost interest. His friends weren't doing it, and this was "dad's thing." But I gently persisted. He continues to come with me on Saturdays. Some days are better than others. But he does enjoy the camps. If nothing else, he gets to take his younger brother out into the water and dig for sea life while dad is teaching Fuzhou Suparinpei or Uechi Applications.

He never was a great athlete - mostly because the desire wasn't there. He'd want to get the best lacrosse stick, but then would quickly lose interest. Baseball is coming along - something that two generations of Glasheens have done. We may have a good pitcher on our hands. We shall see...

But last year he was having trouble with some of his studies because of typical adolescent indifference. I gently pushed. Gently... Then one day he made the most amazing decision. He decided to go out for wrestling because his advisor was his math teacher and also the varsity wrestling coach, and the team was state champions several years in a row. I tried REALLY hard not to dance with glee when I heard his decision. Made sense to me!

The grades went up - partly with a lot of help from dad. The coach became a friend.

He lost his first wrestling match 6-4.

He won his final 5 matches by pin. Most he won in the first round.

"Bud dad, wrestling isn't a martial art!" Yea, OK. Whatever, son...

This year, the warrior's streak continues. They had a dual meet against Norfolk Academy and Fork Union Military Academy. My son shot up over the summer, and now is in the top 5 percentile in weight. They put him up for two matches. Both people happened to have been the captains of their respective teams.

He didn't get any pins in this match. But he beat both captains. The first was by points. The second he won in overtime - after having gotten a small black eye from being forearmed in the face by his opponent.

He still comes with me on Saturdays. These days, I get a little bit more demanding. It isn't the "by the book" Uechi curriculum by any means. But something's getting in that brain - one way or another.

But of course wrestling isn't a martial art, you know...

- Bill

[gmattson]

and I'm happy for you as well. . .

[AAAhmed46]

Why dont you show you son some clips of Matt hughes or Tito ortiz?


Im sure he'll view his pass time differently then.






Oh and congrats man!


Your son is is actually my son's in his past life. When I have a son that is.



I hope that makes sense.

[tigereye]

He still comes with me on Saturdays. These days, I get a little bit more demanding. It isn't the "by the book" Uechi curriculum by any means. But something's getting in that brain - one way or another.

But of course wrestling isn't a martial art, you know...

- Bill

I have a son 14 years old. He has types of conflicts with his father too.
Boys sees there father as a competitor but they need this struggle to mature.
Probable your son discovered that he cannot "defeat" you. This must be the answer why he doesn't like to go to the Dojo anymore. He is looking for success and his identity. This is a difficult age but will pass. Later boys sees there father as someone whose life has lesson for them.
But now, they want to go and build there own world in hope and gratitude.

“As you acknowledge
and respect
the freedom of others,
then so they will acknowledge
and respect your freedom.”


Welcome all the struggles with smile and face them with courage.

[Bill Glasheen]

Eva

Your comments show a lot of insight.

My approach reflects awareness of my son's need to develop his own identity. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. On the one hand, a young lad his age finds the influence of his peers as strong as those of his parents (if not stronger). Because of how adolescents are to each other AND because of how hypersensitive they become when developing that identity, they can reject useful things around them. On the other hand, he will regret (one day) not having a father give him everything that he could to make his life better.

Lately I've developed some very interesting teaching opportunities. He's gotten so wrapped up in the peer pressure and "fitting in" syndrome that I find him correcting me, and commenting on how I do things. The latest thing is my mustache. I guess it's more of an 80s or a 90s thing here. You don't see it as much right now. Last Friday he came up and told me that nobody else in the entire crowd where we were had one. Well... What a great opportunity that was to tell him how important it was to have a unique identity. It could be something that an individual actually celebrates. It's an opportunity to be a leader rather than a follower, etc., etc.

On the other hand... I'm of the opinion that there's very little new in the world. However every generation seems to "discover" all these wonderful things that nobody else has ever done. When we see this in martial arts, we can't shun "the new guy" as if we are threatened by the attention they are getting. Instead, it can be viewed as an opportunity to take an existing interest and put it in the context of our traditional methods. A simple example is breathing. The latest buzzword in RBSD is "autogenic breathing." But if you evaluate the method, you see that it's shinkokyu in our junbi undo.

Wresting is something that my son can do with his friends. He's found something his buddies do that he's good at. He's got the attention of a young lady (for the first time) whose parents everybody in the city knows. That's pretty heady stuff for an adolescent.

Well... I'm a glass half full person. Unlike a few people in our Uechi midst whose brains are constantly boxed in with regard to what "Uechi" is (e.g. That's not Uechi!!!) I have always seen the grappling in our style. That's why we fight with open hands, right? That's why we grab, right? That's another use of circles, right? That's why we poke, right? "Catches" can be "locks", right? A technique done on our feet can be done on our knees or backs, right? So... Now I let wrestling (one of many sport sides of martial arts) be the center of his universe - today. And I introduce traditional martial methods (conditioning, bunkai training, ukemi, knee walking, slo-mo street brawling) to help him get better at what he does. I am the cross training for HIS center of the universe. After all, this is HIS idea, right? I'm just supporting HIS decision, right?

Whatever works.

Why do I push? Because I remember as a kid that I was playing piano and was damned good at it. But something happened (long story) and my piano lessons stopped. Nobody in early teens will say "Gee, I really like to take that extra time out from my day to do piano lessons and practice!" But later on we regret that nobody pushed us during those tough times so that we had something to show for the time we put into an endeavor.

He doesn't have to follow in my footsteps. It's why I didn't name any of my kids with my own name. But on the other hand, I want him to benefit from what his dad learned and picked up through life. I want him - at some point in time - to have an edge because his dad worked hard and can pass something on. Today it's helping him with math homework and cross training for his wrestling.

And tomorrow? That'll be his thing. One day (perhaps around 25) he'll be secure in whom he is, and will have no problem walking off the beaten path. And if I'm lucky, he'll already be equipped with some tools that will help him explore new ways with a much better perspective.

- Bill

[TSDguy]

Hey Bill,

Do you think style has anything to do with it, or is it purely a 'I don't to do what my dad does right now' thing? For example, if you were a UFC superstar do you think he'd be more interested than in practicing kata for 5 hours? Of course I'm not saying your classes are boring as I've never seen one, but MMA has a very primal, natural appeal about it... it's "sexy".

[Bill Glasheen]

Good question.

"It" is both things, and I'm trying to reflect that in what I say.

Yes, there is the adolescent thing of developing a unique identity.

But what I'm also trying to articulate (and you drew out) is that every "traditional" style needs to refresh itself in the context of the era. For example, I learned how to kick and choreographed my "Thirty-Eight Special" form because when I was first teaching, taequondo was king where I was. Once a day we'd see the TV ad with a little kid declaring "Nobody bother me! I take karate from Jhoon Rhee!" And then the announcer would shout "Call USA-1000 Today!" So... I taught kicks because everyone wanted to kick. And then I taught them how to use their Uechi Ryu to defend against those kicks. With time, we'd go to tournaments and we'd know what they were going to do - but not vice-versa.

First it was judo in the 1960s. Then it was Kahrahtee. Then it was Taequondo. Then it was kung fu. Then it was ninjitsu. And now it's MMA. Every martial fad rises and falls. IMO, the martial arts that survive the crazy fads are those which constantly can show their relevance no matter what the "latest thing" is.

And if not... Well then it's not much of a martial art.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with MMA competition. When I was a kid, boxing was the thing. Everyone wanted to know what happened if you put "a karate guy" in the ring with a boxer. Etc., etc.

Truth be told, my son doesn't have access to PPV, so doesn't watch the stuff. But he is influenced (indirectly) by fads, and MMA has influenced the martial arts business arena.

Fortunately competitive wrestling is a classic sport, and always will be there. He could do a whole lot worse...

- Bill

[Stryke]

MMA is not a fad but a evolution .

Good for your son , At his age he`s probably far better of wrestling than doing karate anyhow . Plenty of time do decide his interests and try many things .

[AAAhmed46]

Besides if he ever wanted to take karate, his wrestling skills will truly make his karate better.

[Bruise* Lee]

Congratulations.

[tigereye]

He's gotten so wrapped up in the peer pressure and "fitting in" syndrome that I find him correcting me, and commenting on how I do things. The latest thing is my mustache. I guess it's more of an 80s or a 90s thing here. You don't see it as much right now. Last Friday he came up and told me that nobody else in the entire crowd where we were had one. Well... What a great opportunity that was to tell him how important it was to have a unique identity. It could be something that an individual actually celebrates. It's an opportunity to be a leader rather than a follower, etc., etc.
- Bill

Bill,

You are one of the thousand who act right in types of
situation as this because you know the nature of this behavior.
In reality most parents may have difficulties to understand the behavior of there kids even though they make effort and truly interested in their children's wellness.

There are great books for getting a good view of children’s development.
Problem is with those books that only could be understood by scientists.
Individuals who have a little of scientific background will not get smarter reading them.
Scientists should use the simplest language to convey understanding, not to impress.

I wish I had wiser words to say thank you, but I don’t have. .so thanks a lot to share your experience. It will help us to answer some question

[CANDANeh]