Along my path of Uechi over the last 5 years, I felt that my skills were being very well developed and I was a good marital artist. My confidence, discipline, and dedication to learning grew. I know that the well of knowledge is endless and that is what makes Uechi so interesting. Everything seems to be new and yet old at the same time just by looking at things in a different way. I felt that I had come a long way from when I first walked into the Dojo.
In June, I tested for Shodan and felt that I had tested very well. The comments and test sheets supported this. My personal goal was to be able to defend myself in most situations and I felt that I was well on my way to achieving that goal. I was content in my progession with my learning and looking forward to continuing on.
Over the past few months, I have started to feel quite a bit different about my abilities as a martial artist. There has been no specific incident that has made me change my attitude but as I watch other students from our school and other styles, I am starting to doubt myself of being that mystical "Black Belt" personality that so many people hold in such high regard.
As time goes by, the belt itself has less and less meaning and I find myself feeling like I am starting all over again and am not worthy of the Shodan rank. There are some moves being taught that I think I should know but I draw a blank to in application during training. That then feeds further doubt into myself as to how effective I would be in a real life situation.
I find a few people challenging me (non threatening) and I refuse to indulge them in demonstrations. When they suddenly throw a punch towards me (not making contact), I don't react. When questioned why, I tell them that there was not a real threat that I needed to react to. Inside I start asking myself whether I would have been able to react properly if the situation was different and the threat was real.
These real life situation questions are now starting to occupy a great deal of my thoughts. I have never been in a fight in my life as VSD has always worked and I have gone out of my way to avoid situations where the potential for violence could escalate. I now find that I am not going out of my way anymore nor so I really care if I get into a situation that I would have avoided a year ago. I wonder if I am unconsciously trying to put my training to the test to resolve this doubt.
I do not enter tounaments for kata or sparring as I do martial arts training for myself and do not wish to show how bad or good I am to a gymnasium full of people. There is a certain amount of shyness in me. Also, I do not feel that tournaments are a proper gauge of our abilities as there are too many rules and both people are of the same style and approximate rank. This does not equate to real life street fighting.
You cannot have full all out fights in the dojo or practise on your friends. You cannot compare yourself to fighters that you have watched because everyone reacts differently in a real life situation. I love watching UFC and learn a lot from that but again, there is a ref there to ensure you are not killed. You can also tap out. Neither of these apply in the street.
So let me ask a couple of questions;
- How do you really know if your years of martial arts training has instilled enough of the skills required to defend yourself?
- Have others gone through this self doubt without anything triggering it?
- Are there some things that I can do to benchmark what my training has provided me?
Cheers,
Self Doubt as a Martial Artist
Moderator: Available
Hi Randy! (Fellow Canuck.)
Although I'm certainly in no position to comment on your position, I will anyway!
For the record, I've been training over four years regularly and I'm a green belt.
I think that with every advancement a little voice inside says "I could have tried a little harder/done a little better". This leaves you feeling that maybe you cheated yourself but still got your rank. I think that's a healthy dose of humility and reality. I have yet to learn if it ever goes away, but I suspect it always remains.
The thing to remember is that your own expectations of what the level implies may never be the level you have achieved, because rank is individual and relative.
If you start out thinking "when I'm a Black Belt I will have the ability to handle myself "xxxxx" in "xxxxx" situation then I think you will always come up short in your own estimation.There is no absolute measure of proficiency that way. Read this next sentence several times:
"All Black Belts, in any style, have different levels of ability."
So there are average Black Belts, exceptional ones, less-than-average ones. People in wheelchairs have Black belts.I met a man who wheeled himself into the school to watch us (then white belts) train.How frustrating it must have been, both to see us flailing away, and to know that he, a several-degree Black Belt, must live now in a wheelchair. Seeing a Black Belt in a wheelchair is a lesson in perspective.
Ask Mr. Moulton. (No, he was not the specific example.)
How about this: Instead of thinking about what the rank confers upon you, or implies about you, why not think of the rank as a challenge you must fulfill? And the responsibility it carries? That way, you set false expectations aside (mostly from the un-initiated public), and concentrate on building your skills and attitudes within that level.
I think of each belt as a room into which you have been invited to learn, not a door you have closed behind you. This helps immensely in reconciling the guilt-feeling of "do I deserve to be here?"
Your Sensei put you there, and you have to trust that you deserve to be there.
I hope this helps; believe me I feel somewhat arrogant even offering opinions to someone of your rank, but we're all human: even the Black Belt.
NM
Although I'm certainly in no position to comment on your position, I will anyway!
For the record, I've been training over four years regularly and I'm a green belt.
I think that with every advancement a little voice inside says "I could have tried a little harder/done a little better". This leaves you feeling that maybe you cheated yourself but still got your rank. I think that's a healthy dose of humility and reality. I have yet to learn if it ever goes away, but I suspect it always remains.
The thing to remember is that your own expectations of what the level implies may never be the level you have achieved, because rank is individual and relative.
If you start out thinking "when I'm a Black Belt I will have the ability to handle myself "xxxxx" in "xxxxx" situation then I think you will always come up short in your own estimation.There is no absolute measure of proficiency that way. Read this next sentence several times:
"All Black Belts, in any style, have different levels of ability."
So there are average Black Belts, exceptional ones, less-than-average ones. People in wheelchairs have Black belts.I met a man who wheeled himself into the school to watch us (then white belts) train.How frustrating it must have been, both to see us flailing away, and to know that he, a several-degree Black Belt, must live now in a wheelchair. Seeing a Black Belt in a wheelchair is a lesson in perspective.
Ask Mr. Moulton. (No, he was not the specific example.)
How about this: Instead of thinking about what the rank confers upon you, or implies about you, why not think of the rank as a challenge you must fulfill? And the responsibility it carries? That way, you set false expectations aside (mostly from the un-initiated public), and concentrate on building your skills and attitudes within that level.
I think of each belt as a room into which you have been invited to learn, not a door you have closed behind you. This helps immensely in reconciling the guilt-feeling of "do I deserve to be here?"
Your Sensei put you there, and you have to trust that you deserve to be there.
I hope this helps; believe me I feel somewhat arrogant even offering opinions to someone of your rank, but we're all human: even the Black Belt.
NM
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Guest
Self Doubt as a Martial Artist
Hey, Randy, you're not alone. A huge number of shodans have faded into the woodwork after achieving a goal. No one is sure why could be they have had enough of it after X # of years of sacrifice and work. Could be they have achieved all they wanted. No matter what we tell ourselves, a blackbelt is a pretty loft goal to the average guy walking into a dojo feeling stupid in his white pj's and expecting to be doing acrobatic flying kicks by the end of the week. Once ya get a handle on it, shodan seems like the unreachable dream. So when ya get there it can be anticlimactic almost disappointing. You've got a great Sensei in Rick; I'd love to train with you folks. I hope you bounce this question off him I'm sure you'll get better answers than this wanta be can give you.
Over the past few months, I have started to feel quite a bit different about my abilities as a martial artist.
------------------
Funny me too. I feel like a waste of oxygen these days. I'm definitely down on my self and my training these days. Yes I train to get better in a fight but I also realize that there will always be some one bigger, faster, stronger, meaner. As I age and my body falls apart, more of them every day. Doesn't matter if I'm the biggest badest dude on the block, some A-hole will just run over me in a parking lot with his rusted out 4 banger to even the score. I still lose.
There are some moves being taught that I think I should know but I draw a blank to in application during training.
---------------
Just maybe you're rejecting the application, maybe your looking for a better one, maybe your bored.
That then feeds further doubt into myself as to how effective I would be in a real life situation.
------------------
Randy, we all got limitations. I find my self-questioning, my ability on the street, in the dojo, as a father, as a businessman, as a person on any given day. Self-doubts might just mean we are checking against a standard that we wish to achieve.
I find a few people challenging me (non threatening) and I refuse to indulge them in demonstrations. When they suddenly throw a punch towards me (not making contact), I don't react. When questioned why, I tell them that there was not a real threat that I needed to react to. Inside I start asking myself whether I would have been able to react properly if the situation was different and the threat was real.
------------------
I hate that Schit, very very very few people know about my Uechi.
These real life situation questions are now starting to occupy a great deal of my thoughts. I have never been in a fight in my life as VSD has always worked and I have gone out of my way to avoid situations where the potential for violence could escalate.
----------------------
Excellent skill, wish I had more of it!
I now find that I am not going out of my way anymore nor so I really care if I get into a situation that I would have avoided a year ago. I wonder if I am unconsciously trying to put my training to the test to resolve this doubt.
-----------------
or you could just be sick of putting up with Schit. Walk tall and many folks just leave ya be.
I do not enter tounaments for kata or sparring as I do martial arts training for myself and do not wish to show how bad or good I am to a gymnasium full of people. There is a certain amount of shyness in me. Also, I do not feel that tournaments are a proper gauge of our abilities as there are too many rules and both people are of the same style and approximate rank. This does not equate to real life street fighting.
-----------------------
In my mind any test is better than no test requardless of its limitations. The tougher the challenge the more confident one may feel towards the real thing. Great thing about these non-real too safe venues is you learn what shcit you need to throw away cause its crap. You also find the chinks in the armor with out getting killed leaves a big hole
you cannot have full all out fights in the dojo or practice on your friends. You cannot compare yourself to fighters that you have watched because everyone reacts differently in a real life situation. I love watching UFC and learn a lot from that but again, there is a ref there to ensure you are not killed. You can also tap out. Neither of these apply in the street.
-----------------
Some Sob just might shoot you with a 357 from 50 feet too. Deal with reality if ya ever find your self in it, challenge your self when you train and have fun!
So let me ask a couple of questions;
- How do you really know if your years of martial arts training has instilled enough of the skills required to defend yourself? ………….only one way, but your only as successful as your last fight, doesn't mean the next guy won't open your belly. Maybe it's not all about becoming an unstoppable fighting machine!
- Have others gone through this self doubt without anything triggering it?
-------------------
All the time. Why Am I wasting my timeetc.
- Are there some things that I can do to benchmark what my training has provided me?
---------------
Your good health. How many friends you make in the dojo and camp over the past 5? Many of those relationships last a lifetime. Where you a goal orientated guy when u walked in off the street 5 years ago? Maybe u picked up some other skills along the way, of course u will know best. What was life like before Uechi?
Laird
Hey, Randy, you're not alone. A huge number of shodans have faded into the woodwork after achieving a goal. No one is sure why could be they have had enough of it after X # of years of sacrifice and work. Could be they have achieved all they wanted. No matter what we tell ourselves, a blackbelt is a pretty loft goal to the average guy walking into a dojo feeling stupid in his white pj's and expecting to be doing acrobatic flying kicks by the end of the week. Once ya get a handle on it, shodan seems like the unreachable dream. So when ya get there it can be anticlimactic almost disappointing. You've got a great Sensei in Rick; I'd love to train with you folks. I hope you bounce this question off him I'm sure you'll get better answers than this wanta be can give you.
Over the past few months, I have started to feel quite a bit different about my abilities as a martial artist.
------------------
Funny me too. I feel like a waste of oxygen these days. I'm definitely down on my self and my training these days. Yes I train to get better in a fight but I also realize that there will always be some one bigger, faster, stronger, meaner. As I age and my body falls apart, more of them every day. Doesn't matter if I'm the biggest badest dude on the block, some A-hole will just run over me in a parking lot with his rusted out 4 banger to even the score. I still lose.
There are some moves being taught that I think I should know but I draw a blank to in application during training.
---------------
Just maybe you're rejecting the application, maybe your looking for a better one, maybe your bored.
That then feeds further doubt into myself as to how effective I would be in a real life situation.
------------------
Randy, we all got limitations. I find my self-questioning, my ability on the street, in the dojo, as a father, as a businessman, as a person on any given day. Self-doubts might just mean we are checking against a standard that we wish to achieve.
I find a few people challenging me (non threatening) and I refuse to indulge them in demonstrations. When they suddenly throw a punch towards me (not making contact), I don't react. When questioned why, I tell them that there was not a real threat that I needed to react to. Inside I start asking myself whether I would have been able to react properly if the situation was different and the threat was real.
------------------
I hate that Schit, very very very few people know about my Uechi.
These real life situation questions are now starting to occupy a great deal of my thoughts. I have never been in a fight in my life as VSD has always worked and I have gone out of my way to avoid situations where the potential for violence could escalate.
----------------------
Excellent skill, wish I had more of it!
I now find that I am not going out of my way anymore nor so I really care if I get into a situation that I would have avoided a year ago. I wonder if I am unconsciously trying to put my training to the test to resolve this doubt.
-----------------
or you could just be sick of putting up with Schit. Walk tall and many folks just leave ya be.
I do not enter tounaments for kata or sparring as I do martial arts training for myself and do not wish to show how bad or good I am to a gymnasium full of people. There is a certain amount of shyness in me. Also, I do not feel that tournaments are a proper gauge of our abilities as there are too many rules and both people are of the same style and approximate rank. This does not equate to real life street fighting.
-----------------------
In my mind any test is better than no test requardless of its limitations. The tougher the challenge the more confident one may feel towards the real thing. Great thing about these non-real too safe venues is you learn what shcit you need to throw away cause its crap. You also find the chinks in the armor with out getting killed leaves a big hole
you cannot have full all out fights in the dojo or practice on your friends. You cannot compare yourself to fighters that you have watched because everyone reacts differently in a real life situation. I love watching UFC and learn a lot from that but again, there is a ref there to ensure you are not killed. You can also tap out. Neither of these apply in the street.
-----------------
Some Sob just might shoot you with a 357 from 50 feet too. Deal with reality if ya ever find your self in it, challenge your self when you train and have fun!
So let me ask a couple of questions;
- How do you really know if your years of martial arts training has instilled enough of the skills required to defend yourself? ………….only one way, but your only as successful as your last fight, doesn't mean the next guy won't open your belly. Maybe it's not all about becoming an unstoppable fighting machine!
- Have others gone through this self doubt without anything triggering it?
-------------------
All the time. Why Am I wasting my timeetc.
- Are there some things that I can do to benchmark what my training has provided me?
---------------
Your good health. How many friends you make in the dojo and camp over the past 5? Many of those relationships last a lifetime. Where you a goal orientated guy when u walked in off the street 5 years ago? Maybe u picked up some other skills along the way, of course u will know best. What was life like before Uechi?
Laird
Last edited by Guest on Sat Jan 04, 2003 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Stryke
Hi Randy good topic
This deffinately happened to me after gaining Shodan .
After acheiving the elusive goal I found nothing had changed .
All the work building up and during the grading made me know my failings so well it seemed overwhelming .
I was at a point in my understanding were i didnt only know the flaws in myself but the flaws in my style (realising these days that`s probably the same thing ) , but the flip side is the only reason i was and to some degree am at this point is because of the progress Ive made .
Can you feel safe secure and prepared now your a Shodan ? , Nope , maybe youve been studying a martial arts for long enough now your starting to understand there is no control of violence , will your techniques work ? who nows , against whom ? , what scenario etc , all you can control is how good you are and keep improving .
I found shodan almost an anticlimax , but now i find it liberating , I ask my own questions now , have my base and now seek the answer that i need to be more confident , It`s no longer my teachers standards i strive to meet but my own .
A black belt is harder to wear than it is to earn , at least it should be , the questions are good , youve got yourself to a point were you can ask them honestly of yourself , this to me is were a black belts start comes into it , your not addressing co ordination so much anymore , your addressing your art in relation to you .
Realise how far you came to be able to ask the questions , realise how quickly new doors of thought and skill will open up if you address them honestly , dont be afraid of the questions , when you stop seeing holes ,doubts etc your no longer learning .
I recognise the feeling you describe , It can be overwhelming , give it some time and remember how far youve come , remember the first day at the dojo , Shodan`s to me`s like that all over again , except now you should know how to find the way .
hope you understand a little of what im trying to say .
Stryke
This deffinately happened to me after gaining Shodan .
After acheiving the elusive goal I found nothing had changed .
All the work building up and during the grading made me know my failings so well it seemed overwhelming .
I was at a point in my understanding were i didnt only know the flaws in myself but the flaws in my style (realising these days that`s probably the same thing ) , but the flip side is the only reason i was and to some degree am at this point is because of the progress Ive made .
Can you feel safe secure and prepared now your a Shodan ? , Nope , maybe youve been studying a martial arts for long enough now your starting to understand there is no control of violence , will your techniques work ? who nows , against whom ? , what scenario etc , all you can control is how good you are and keep improving .
I found shodan almost an anticlimax , but now i find it liberating , I ask my own questions now , have my base and now seek the answer that i need to be more confident , It`s no longer my teachers standards i strive to meet but my own .
A black belt is harder to wear than it is to earn , at least it should be , the questions are good , youve got yourself to a point were you can ask them honestly of yourself , this to me is were a black belts start comes into it , your not addressing co ordination so much anymore , your addressing your art in relation to you .
Realise how far you came to be able to ask the questions , realise how quickly new doors of thought and skill will open up if you address them honestly , dont be afraid of the questions , when you stop seeing holes ,doubts etc your no longer learning .
I recognise the feeling you describe , It can be overwhelming , give it some time and remember how far youve come , remember the first day at the dojo , Shodan`s to me`s like that all over again , except now you should know how to find the way .
hope you understand a little of what im trying to say .
Stryke
-
Stryke
also as for not entering tournaments .........
dont knock to youve tried it , not real but more real than what your doing now (no offence) , Ive never seen someone that hasnt improved from doing tournaments .
At it does you good to win and loose now and again .
and test it relatively safely against some guys you know would make a mess of people on the street .
Stryke
dont knock to youve tried it , not real but more real than what your doing now (no offence) , Ive never seen someone that hasnt improved from doing tournaments .
At it does you good to win and loose now and again .
and test it relatively safely against some guys you know would make a mess of people on the street .
Stryke
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Jackie Olsen
- Posts: 619
- Joined: Fri Sep 18, 1998 6:01 am
- Contact:
Amen ... and with each circle/dan test the questions do get harder and you probe even deeper into the art. I remember to tell myself that this is a mind/spirit/body art. If I am not challenging myself in all aspects, I am probably not growing or learning much.A black belt is harder to wear than it is to earn , at least it should be , the questions are good , youve got yourself to a point were you can ask them honestly of yourself , this to me is were a black belts start comes into it , your not addressing co ordination so much anymore , your addressing your art in relation to you
With Shodan comes the light of day ... Like others have said, I felt more at ease and able to question more. With Nidan came what I call ... "the Nidan Blues". It felt like nothing was right ...however, I made my greatest physical gains at Nidan.
Now, at Sandan, I realized that I wanted to go back to square one and rexamine everything I had learned since that first day and understand the patterns/relationships of movement and exactly why all is in Sanchin. I've experienced some of the deepest and most exquisite spiritual aha's .. movements/moments.
Each cycle, each circle brings its own challenges and tests ... as many have said before me -- Enjoy the Journey!
Imagine that there is no ranking system.
How then would you feel about what you have accomplished and given back to the system you study?
I know many Shodan that "hit the wall" because the goal was reached but they did not suddenly become "better". The moment you pass the test is not when you become a Shodan , it is simply an acknowledgment from the board. Relax in the fact that you don`t need to break in another belt after this one.
How then would you feel about what you have accomplished and given back to the system you study?
I know many Shodan that "hit the wall" because the goal was reached but they did not suddenly become "better". The moment you pass the test is not when you become a Shodan , it is simply an acknowledgment from the board. Relax in the fact that you don`t need to break in another belt after this one.
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Brian Barry
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Grove City College, PA
- Contact:
I got my Shodan over the summer. The next day I walked into the dojo and my some of my friends were like, "So, how does it feel?" I had to answer that I felt about the same. Sure, I was glad to have reached a goal, but there was no magical power conferred on me. I wasn't "there" and I had a long way to go.
I compared it to being in line at an amusement park. The line is long and you're finally approaching the building where the ride you're waiting for is. You're a few feet from the door and think you're almost there. But when you get there... you go around the corner and realize that the line winds around inside the building for longer than the line outside was. You've all been there. Same here. You think you'll be "there" at Shodan, but when you get there all it is is a realization that you have to keep working. Harder. Longer than you ever expected, to master this stuff. But hopefully you see the goal as worth the wait. Those who don't get out of line and go find themselves something that the don't have to wait for or work for. It just makes me want to work all the harder.
I compared it to being in line at an amusement park. The line is long and you're finally approaching the building where the ride you're waiting for is. You're a few feet from the door and think you're almost there. But when you get there... you go around the corner and realize that the line winds around inside the building for longer than the line outside was. You've all been there. Same here. You think you'll be "there" at Shodan, but when you get there all it is is a realization that you have to keep working. Harder. Longer than you ever expected, to master this stuff. But hopefully you see the goal as worth the wait. Those who don't get out of line and go find themselves something that the don't have to wait for or work for. It just makes me want to work all the harder.
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Randy Pelletier
Thank you all for the thoughts and suggestions. After writing this post and getting the responses, I am starting to get the idea that this is something that many people go through and is the beginning of my new path of learning.
Stryke, I agree that you can always learn from sparring at a tournament and I meant no disrespect at all towards them. I judge tournaments and have the utmost respect for those that compete. I am on the shy side and would not do that myself.
Laird, since you are not all that far away in Banff, maybe you will get a chance to attend our camp at the end of April? It would be great to meet with you, exchange thoughts and ideas and have a serious workout. I suspect that there are not a lot of Uechi folks in Banff.
Again my many thanks to all. This feedback has been tremendously helpful.
Cheers,
Stryke, I agree that you can always learn from sparring at a tournament and I meant no disrespect at all towards them. I judge tournaments and have the utmost respect for those that compete. I am on the shy side and would not do that myself.
Laird, since you are not all that far away in Banff, maybe you will get a chance to attend our camp at the end of April? It would be great to meet with you, exchange thoughts and ideas and have a serious workout. I suspect that there are not a lot of Uechi folks in Banff.
Again my many thanks to all. This feedback has been tremendously helpful.
Cheers,
-
Bill Glasheen
- Posts: 17299
- Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Richmond, VA --- Louisville, KY
Randy
If it's any consolation, I find that some of the very best achievers in life have an insecurity streak (like yours) a MILE wide. But these achievers take that uncertainty and feeling of inadequacy and use it as motivation to train hard and get better. That goes for life in general as well as for martial arts.
The sad thing about martial artists is that most believe their own myth. That may get you in some deep trouble one day.
I often tell my students that "good" training will make you better at defending yourself tomorrow than you are able to today. But nothing will ever, ever make you invulnerable. Take that thought with you the next time you feel a need to test your mettle on the street.
Relax. Take the time to enjoy your training, and things will take care of themselves. Find ways to "test" yourself so you can taste little bits of what a real fight may be like. But forget about the whole idea of competing to win per se. The true value of getting out of that comfort zone lies in the lessons you learn along the way.
And finally, I leave you with one of my favorite lines from Flip Wilson. When contemplating the idea of progress, just remember - it's one of those things that creeps up on you later, like them Fruit-o-the-Loom shorts.
- Bill
If it's any consolation, I find that some of the very best achievers in life have an insecurity streak (like yours) a MILE wide. But these achievers take that uncertainty and feeling of inadequacy and use it as motivation to train hard and get better. That goes for life in general as well as for martial arts.
The sad thing about martial artists is that most believe their own myth. That may get you in some deep trouble one day.
I often tell my students that "good" training will make you better at defending yourself tomorrow than you are able to today. But nothing will ever, ever make you invulnerable. Take that thought with you the next time you feel a need to test your mettle on the street.
Relax. Take the time to enjoy your training, and things will take care of themselves. Find ways to "test" yourself so you can taste little bits of what a real fight may be like. But forget about the whole idea of competing to win per se. The true value of getting out of that comfort zone lies in the lessons you learn along the way.
And finally, I leave you with one of my favorite lines from Flip Wilson. When contemplating the idea of progress, just remember - it's one of those things that creeps up on you later, like them Fruit-o-the-Loom shorts.
- Bill
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Stryke
Quote
Stryke, I agree that you can always learn from sparring at a tournament and I meant no disrespect at all towards them. I judge tournaments and have the utmost respect for those that compete. I am on the shy side and would not do that myself.
Understand Randy , and I did not mean for it come across as a criticisim if its not your path , Fact is I dont even enjoy them any more but I`m sure glad for the experience I gained .
I think Sense Glasheen best sums it up when he said
Quote
If it's any consolation, I find that some of the very best achievers in life have an insecurity streak (like yours) a MILE wide. But these achievers take that uncertainty and feeling of inadequacy and use it as motivation to train hard and get better. That goes for life in general as well as for martial arts.
It`s when you start beleiving your own press that your in trouble , good luck in your future training .
Stryke
Stryke, I agree that you can always learn from sparring at a tournament and I meant no disrespect at all towards them. I judge tournaments and have the utmost respect for those that compete. I am on the shy side and would not do that myself.
Understand Randy , and I did not mean for it come across as a criticisim if its not your path , Fact is I dont even enjoy them any more but I`m sure glad for the experience I gained .
I think Sense Glasheen best sums it up when he said
Quote
If it's any consolation, I find that some of the very best achievers in life have an insecurity streak (like yours) a MILE wide. But these achievers take that uncertainty and feeling of inadequacy and use it as motivation to train hard and get better. That goes for life in general as well as for martial arts.
It`s when you start beleiving your own press that your in trouble , good luck in your future training .
Stryke
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Guest
All that Glitters is not Gold.
I haven’t been here for awhile, but saw my name written which enticed me to offer up my thoughts to you. It’s been so long since the years of excitement, gosh, I forgot how I felt. Almost. But I remember when I worked for my belts [lots of colors and 9 black ones] through different styles. The challenge of setting a goal for myself, the charting out of what I needed to accomplish to get there, the following of those guidelines, and diligently working hard to achieve that goal was what it was about for me. All those hundreds upon hundreds of hours of preparation were rewarded by maybe about ten minutes of bright-red flushing cheeks with a non-ending smile that stretched from ear-to-ear, and the internal feelings of the rush of success was definitely worth it. Almost no one outside my dojo knows my Uechi rank. There are no stripes on my belts and I don’t strut the certificate. Besides, who cares anyway? I’ll tell you who. YOU, the wearer of one. It means something special to YOU, and no one else.
If I had more time to devote to MA today, I could easily allow myself to start somewhere anew as a whitie and work up through the ranks again. Those days WERE fun and there’s always a lot of new stuff to learn and practice, plenty of stuff to keep the mind distracted from thinking <black belt> until it was time to train for <it.>
I never thought much about relating my ranking to street-corner scraps, even when I enjoyed a good pair of legs, to how I would rank in the street; somehow those two variables didn’t equate with me.
Rather I looked at the practice and the result of the practice as a measure against how I could fare. There were sometimes, even when I was peaking-out that I would doubt my prowess causing me to search to discover weaknesses and seek ways of overcoming them.
When I was about to start my first dojo [Tennessee], then it became important to me to seek-out the proper direction to get to the next rank. But that was a shallow and superfluous reason.
It seems that most of them conveyed different meanings.
And I’m starting to drift here.
I remember a black belt in a wheelchair while I was in Tennessee. Both his legs were amputated and I wondered what he got out of it and used to think that I bet he wondered what he got out of it at times too. Fact, I’ll bet most of us who continue sometimes wonder what we get out of it.
Belts. I remember when I restarted Uechi after a long absence from Uechi dojo, although not Uechi practice. I attended a class GEM was teaching, maybe at the Hut, and maybe before the days of the Hut. I had forgotten about the striping system and was having a conversation with George in the locker-room getting ready for class, when I took my TKD black belt out of my gym bag and started putting it on. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why he was intently staring at the two gold stripes on it, unable to speak with loud silence for a few moments with his mouth agape and wearing a slackened jaw under a deepening reddened set of cheeks until he gathered himself to tell me a little story about where golden amber stripes came from. He said a whole bunch of stuff, but I remember him showing me the end of his belt with one stripe on it in an embarrassed fatherly way, still in shocked disbelief I was going to wear it.
I couldn’t have extorted [I think that’s the proper word here], a better set of shocked mixed quizzical and generally knocked-off-balance emotions if I worked diligently at it. Yes, karateka! A two striper has real meaning, if only a conversation starter. It represented something entirely different to George, who managed to cool down before class – Thank God, than to little ole innocent I who was momentarily oblivious to the rising rage until I thought the OS word.
I’m drifting again.
If I had more time to devote to MA today, I could easily allow myself to start somewhere anew as a whitie and work up through the ranks again. Those days WERE fun and there’s always a lot of new stuff to learn and practice, plenty of stuff to keep the mind distracted from thinking <black belt> until it was time to train for <it.>
I never thought much about relating my ranking to street-corner scraps, even when I enjoyed a good pair of legs, to how I would rank in the street; somehow those two variables didn’t equate with me.
Rather I looked at the practice and the result of the practice as a measure against how I could fare. There were sometimes, even when I was peaking-out that I would doubt my prowess causing me to search to discover weaknesses and seek ways of overcoming them.
When I was about to start my first dojo [Tennessee], then it became important to me to seek-out the proper direction to get to the next rank. But that was a shallow and superfluous reason.
It seems that most of them conveyed different meanings.
And I’m starting to drift here.
I remember a black belt in a wheelchair while I was in Tennessee. Both his legs were amputated and I wondered what he got out of it and used to think that I bet he wondered what he got out of it at times too. Fact, I’ll bet most of us who continue sometimes wonder what we get out of it.
Belts. I remember when I restarted Uechi after a long absence from Uechi dojo, although not Uechi practice. I attended a class GEM was teaching, maybe at the Hut, and maybe before the days of the Hut. I had forgotten about the striping system and was having a conversation with George in the locker-room getting ready for class, when I took my TKD black belt out of my gym bag and started putting it on. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why he was intently staring at the two gold stripes on it, unable to speak with loud silence for a few moments with his mouth agape and wearing a slackened jaw under a deepening reddened set of cheeks until he gathered himself to tell me a little story about where golden amber stripes came from. He said a whole bunch of stuff, but I remember him showing me the end of his belt with one stripe on it in an embarrassed fatherly way, still in shocked disbelief I was going to wear it.
I couldn’t have extorted [I think that’s the proper word here], a better set of shocked mixed quizzical and generally knocked-off-balance emotions if I worked diligently at it. Yes, karateka! A two striper has real meaning, if only a conversation starter. It represented something entirely different to George, who managed to cool down before class – Thank God, than to little ole innocent I who was momentarily oblivious to the rising rage until I thought the OS word.
I’m drifting again.
You don’t. It’s a leap of faith. For some it’s a leap of fate, right over the edge of whatever plateau they’re standing on.How do you really know if your years of martial arts training has instilled enough of the skills required to defend yourself?
I have from time-to-time, and I think it’s a natural evolution into one’s own seasoning. Don't let it concern you. Thos self-doubts, as long as they are not persistent and you don't dwell upon them, could be signs that you are improving.Have others gone through this self doubt without anything triggering it?
Plenty if you’ve been successful at it, and those benchmarks may not seem to be karate related. Karate practice through the years changes one’s personality. If you’re more interested in the physical, bring out some old tapes of yourself, but remember pictures don’t often show what’s really in there.Are there some things that I can do to benchmark what my training has provided me?
Always with an even keel.
-- Allen
-- Allen
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Randy Pelletier
I have followed the forums for quite some time now but don't post very often. But I have paid very close attention to the advice, experience and good spirit of the people who contribute to it.
I did not know what to expect when I started this thread but I thought let's give it a try and see if I am alone in this. The feedback I got has been fantastic and I thank everyone who has provided me input. I look at the pool of talent that have vastly more experience than I do and have taken the time to provide their thoughts and to set my thoughts at ease. And it has.
To each who have replied;
Although there is much more than what I have quoted here, this is what I have taken away from each of you. The challenge is not to give in to self doubt but rather overcome it and learn. My sincere thanks to all.
Cheers,
I did not know what to expect when I started this thread but I thought let's give it a try and see if I am alone in this. The feedback I got has been fantastic and I thank everyone who has provided me input. I look at the pool of talent that have vastly more experience than I do and have taken the time to provide their thoughts and to set my thoughts at ease. And it has.
To each who have replied;
Never feel that I am any different in my martial arts quest because of rank. We can all learn from each and every one of us. I thank you for your advice.From 2Green
I hope this helps; believe me I feel somewhat arrogant even offering opinions to someone of your rank, but we're all human: even the Black Belt.
You are so correct in that there will always be someone bigger, faster, stronger, meaner. And yes my body (40+) does show signs of wear. Damned warranty expired years ago. What we have to achieve is the best that we personally can. Live up to our own image and not others.From Uglyelk (Laird)
Funny me too. I feel like a waste of oxygen these days. I'm definitely down on my self and my training these days. Yes I train to get better in a fight but I also realize that there will always be some one bigger, faster, stronger, meaner. As I age and my body falls apart, more of them every day. Doesn't matter if I'm the biggest badest dude on the block, some A-hole will just run over me in a parking lot with his rusted out 4 banger to even the score. I still lose.
So true that this belt is harder to wear than it is to earn. It is funny how you think that you can hardly wait to get it as it means you have achieved something and when you get there, you simply start to doubt yourself. That is where the true learning must now beginFrom Stryke
A black belt is harder to wear than it is to earn , at least it should be , the questions are good , youve got yourself to a point were you can ask them honestly of yourself , this to me is were a black belts start comes into it , your not addressing co ordination so much anymore , your addressing your art in relation to you .
I guess I have hit my first challenge and that is an internal challenge about myself. The journey is just beginning.From Jackie
Each cycle, each circle brings its own challenges and tests ... as many have said before me -- Enjoy the Journey!
I think of that quite often now as in our school, rank seems insignificant. We are all there to learn as equals and that is the way it should be. What I can give back to the study is more important as each day passes.From CANDANEH
Imagine that there is no ranking system.
How then would you feel about what you have accomplished and given back to the system you study?
What a fantastic analogy!! I guess you have to look back and see how far you have progressed through that line but at the same time, you still have a ways to go. The only difference is that the line in Uechi never ends. Nor should it for me as an individual.From Brian Barry
The line is long and you're finally approaching the building where the ride you're waiting for is. You're a few feet from the door and think you're almost there. But when you get there... you go around the corner and realize that the line winds around inside the building for longer than the line outside was.
Thank you Bill. Sometime I feel that there is so much to live up to and I am not taking the time to relax and enjoy as I did for the first years. It is when I relax that I enjoy it the most.From Bill Glasheen
Relax. Take the time to enjoy your training, and things will take care of themselves. Find ways to "test" yourself so you can taste little bits of what a real fight may be like. But forget about the whole idea of competing to win per se. The true value of getting out of that comfort zone lies in the lessons you learn along the way.
Excellent point. I will be the best at what I can do, not what someone expects me to do.From David
A BB means only what you want it to mean.
When I sit back and read the feedback, I am starting to believe that. Thank you and please don't worry about drifting. Hearing the history of folks is fascinating and inspiring as we all have experienced moments in our training that we can all learn fromFrom Deep Sea (Allen Moulton)
I have from time-to-time, and I think it’s a natural evolution into one’s own seasoning. Don't let it concern you. Thos self-doubts, as long as they are not persistent and you don't dwell upon them, could be signs that you are improving.
Although there is much more than what I have quoted here, this is what I have taken away from each of you. The challenge is not to give in to self doubt but rather overcome it and learn. My sincere thanks to all.
Cheers,
