Self Doubt as a Martial Artist
Moderator: Available
Randy, this is from a different perspective. I've been in and out of Uechi Ryu for almost 30 years and am still a Nidan. I passed my Shodon test when I was 17 and am now 43 (yikes!) and train when I can. This past semester I taught part time nights at a local community college along with my day job so did not make class at all. This semester should be easier, but my point is related to what I call "reality intruding" into my training time. I know, I know, we chose our reality. Anyway, the purpose of the above is to explain the different perspective I referred to. Different from the dedicated, experienced Senseis that have been responding. I've always subscribed to the philosophy that you really begin your true study of the martial arts when you've achieved Shodon. My first Sensei probably told me that (back in the dark ages!). Your self-doubt is actually a good thing. It tells me that you're beginning to understand that you will study your entire life and still have just scratched the surface. And that's OK, because where would you be if you didn't study? Definitely NOT better off. So, I'm a Nidan after almost 30 years. I could give a hoot! When I go to class, I train for my self (I call it my therapy!). Could I defend myself in any street situation? Of course not. There's only a gazillion variables in every situation. That's part of what we train for, is to be able to react regardless, to react to the reality as opposed to the expected. Could I defend myself in many, or most situations? I believe so. What I think it boils down to is the odds. Think about baseball. On any given day, any team can beat any other team, but by the end of the season the best teams may have 100 wins instead of 60. Whatever. I train in order to be more in touch with reality (and its a great escape from your day to day troubles because you certainly have to check them at the door!). So just train, and know that you're going through a normal phase.
Hi There-
The first thing I thought of when I read your initial post was: "When you reach your black belt rank- THAT'S when the journey begins"
As on any journey- sometimes you think you are lost, only to "round the next bend" and say with a start- "Oh I remember this- now I know where I'm at"... Then you discover that you have found a new route to take to the same destination. Now for those couples of minutes- you were afraid, felt lost- you weren't sure where to turn" but somewhere in your subconscious- your internal directional if you will- knew which way you needed to go- and sent you on your way- without your conscious mind being aware of it.
I think that's a lot like what you are going through. What all/most black belt ranks go through at any given time. But because of the years of training, time in the dojo, dream time, time you took just thinking about your karate, - all of that extra-cariculiar training and trtaditional training, which helped you receive your black, will guide your subconscious through those dark ally's, those fears and doubts. Without that taste of fear- you wouldn't keep trying the next corner- without those doubts, you won't keep "checking" yourself and trying to become better.
Black is a beginning- not an ending.
And no- "Not all that glitter's is gold, not all those who wander are lost"-
not really- smiling
Kerry-
The first thing I thought of when I read your initial post was: "When you reach your black belt rank- THAT'S when the journey begins"
As on any journey- sometimes you think you are lost, only to "round the next bend" and say with a start- "Oh I remember this- now I know where I'm at"... Then you discover that you have found a new route to take to the same destination. Now for those couples of minutes- you were afraid, felt lost- you weren't sure where to turn" but somewhere in your subconscious- your internal directional if you will- knew which way you needed to go- and sent you on your way- without your conscious mind being aware of it.
I think that's a lot like what you are going through. What all/most black belt ranks go through at any given time. But because of the years of training, time in the dojo, dream time, time you took just thinking about your karate, - all of that extra-cariculiar training and trtaditional training, which helped you receive your black, will guide your subconscious through those dark ally's, those fears and doubts. Without that taste of fear- you wouldn't keep trying the next corner- without those doubts, you won't keep "checking" yourself and trying to become better.
Black is a beginning- not an ending.
And no- "Not all that glitter's is gold, not all those who wander are lost"-
not really- smiling
Kerry-
-
Randy Pelletier
Hi Kay and welcome to the forums.
I fully agree that training is therapy. During the past October and November, my wife was travelling a lot with work and I missed a ton of classes due to playing taxi driver for my kids, dealing with all their school things, keeping up with the house, worrying about my own work, etc. etc. When I returned back in December, it felt great and I realized that it has become a form of therapy for me. I am not raining to get my Nidan or Sandan or worry about moving up the ranks. You have to train for yourself and your own gratification.
Kerry, black is a beginning and not an ending is very true. And the color of black is the same no matter how many turns and corners you go around. Thank you.
Cheers,
I fully agree that training is therapy. During the past October and November, my wife was travelling a lot with work and I missed a ton of classes due to playing taxi driver for my kids, dealing with all their school things, keeping up with the house, worrying about my own work, etc. etc. When I returned back in December, it felt great and I realized that it has become a form of therapy for me. I am not raining to get my Nidan or Sandan or worry about moving up the ranks. You have to train for yourself and your own gratification.
Kerry, black is a beginning and not an ending is very true. And the color of black is the same no matter how many turns and corners you go around. Thank you.
Cheers,
-
Akil Todd Harvey
- Posts: 790
- Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2001 6:01 am
- Location: Tallahassee, FL
- Contact:
YO YO YO.....Everybody in house clap your hands in the air and wav em like ya just dont care........
Thanks for the questions Randy. As always the dumbest question is the one not asked.....
Thanks for the input Elk, 2green, Stryke, Jackie, David, CANDANeh, Brian, Bill, Allen, Kay & Kerry (hope I forgot no one). You folks made it that much easier as I had lot I wanted to say. I guess sometimes it is better to come late.....
Refing at tournaments.....The average kumite participant may only fight one or two people, while the ref could have to fight off 10 or 20 angry parents (karate parents make little league parents look tame-IMHO). Ever had people not even watching the event you are refing acccuse you of bad calls....happened to me the first time.....now i just expect it.....
What, nobody gonna say nothing about shodanitis, the ailment that plagues so many shodans causing them to disapear from the dojo. I disapeared for a while to complete my education, buy a house, get married and later divorced, etc.....(ok, a little off topic...I will come back) dont console me on the divorce, I got over it, but it happened, so its part of my history.
After becoming BB in '92 (registration number blah blah blah...297)....I starting looking at things differently......like the longer i was BB, the less likely I would tell people I was.......or I would get mad if somebody told someone else I was BB......just thought it would be a better weapon if fewer people knew I had it....confidence, but uncertainty due to realization of reality from fantasy....
As a teacher (of academic stuff), and my wife experienced this as well in her first semester teaching full time at an art college, I was full of self doubt (ok, half full).....especially when it came time to do assessments (grading). In the middle of the semester, you are too busy to step back and make self assessments, but as the semester is winding down, you are preparing the grades, all the self doubt just hits you like some karate masters I know and fear........I have come to realize that it is a sign of someone who gives a crap, someone who is really trying to be the best they can be. Some folks, mere mortals, would not be able to handle the self doubt and would just punch those feelings out of there mind.
ATH
I like the way folks describe training as therapy....You may have noticeed I need some therapy from time to time......the kind you refer to and the more standard kind (which is partly what this forum is for me)....thanks ya'll.......
Thanks for the questions Randy. As always the dumbest question is the one not asked.....
Thanks for the input Elk, 2green, Stryke, Jackie, David, CANDANeh, Brian, Bill, Allen, Kay & Kerry (hope I forgot no one). You folks made it that much easier as I had lot I wanted to say. I guess sometimes it is better to come late.....
Refing at tournaments.....The average kumite participant may only fight one or two people, while the ref could have to fight off 10 or 20 angry parents (karate parents make little league parents look tame-IMHO). Ever had people not even watching the event you are refing acccuse you of bad calls....happened to me the first time.....now i just expect it.....
What, nobody gonna say nothing about shodanitis, the ailment that plagues so many shodans causing them to disapear from the dojo. I disapeared for a while to complete my education, buy a house, get married and later divorced, etc.....(ok, a little off topic...I will come back) dont console me on the divorce, I got over it, but it happened, so its part of my history.
After becoming BB in '92 (registration number blah blah blah...297)....I starting looking at things differently......like the longer i was BB, the less likely I would tell people I was.......or I would get mad if somebody told someone else I was BB......just thought it would be a better weapon if fewer people knew I had it....confidence, but uncertainty due to realization of reality from fantasy....
As a teacher (of academic stuff), and my wife experienced this as well in her first semester teaching full time at an art college, I was full of self doubt (ok, half full).....especially when it came time to do assessments (grading). In the middle of the semester, you are too busy to step back and make self assessments, but as the semester is winding down, you are preparing the grades, all the self doubt just hits you like some karate masters I know and fear........I have come to realize that it is a sign of someone who gives a crap, someone who is really trying to be the best they can be. Some folks, mere mortals, would not be able to handle the self doubt and would just punch those feelings out of there mind.
ATH
I like the way folks describe training as therapy....You may have noticeed I need some therapy from time to time......the kind you refer to and the more standard kind (which is partly what this forum is for me)....thanks ya'll.......
Seek knowledge from cradle to grave
