The Warning signs:
1. You begin beating the living daylights out of all those who dare to walk across
your threshold with their shoes on, with a foam rubber bokken.
2.You lounge around the house in a yukata in the summer,sipping Mugicha, and a
Hanten in the winter drinking various and all kinds of Cha.
3. You find nothing at all wrong with bathing three times a day, scrubbing your
skin until you look like a giant cooked Ebi.
4. You secretly look at your friends who don't shower three times a day as
Kitanai hito.
5. You use Ohashi for everything including yard work and cooking.
6. You scoff at American made products and revel in European and Japanese
made ones.
7. You cannot stomach any of the "swill" that Americans call food.
8.You obsess about how lazy, fat, and stupid your co-workers are.
9.To you Rice and Shiro Miso and Nori are life, and you never want fries with
that.
10. You sleep with one eye open, for fear of Godzilla/Ninja/Jishin attacks.
11. You think the Ice cream man bell sound is really the
Ramen/jagaimo/TakoYaki/Oden seller
12. You feel dishonored and want to commit Seppuku when you promise
something you cannot deliver no matter how trivial.
13. You laugh at Americans obsession with "Pokemon": because you know that it
is at least ten years past its popularity in Japan.
14. You Bob you head and say "Un!" when asked a question by anyone.
15. You own no couch, or else no furniture about the height of your stomach. but
rather a big pile of Zabuton in piled up in the corner.
16. If you frequently fall asleep in the kotatsu.
17. If the only beer you'll drink in Asahi, followed by a pickled Squid Intestines,
and a Sake Chaser.
18. If you never get mad, then suddenly explode from your patience ended,
throwing everything around the house.
19. If the expression "Shoganai!" Is common lament.
20.If you friends suddenly look at you all funny because you just finished the last
half of the meeting in Japanese.
21.If you pay $65.00 for a haircut engineered by a Sun Solaris computer that
takes three people 3.5 hours to complete, with the layering details done down to
the DNA strands
22.If you have the urge to confine yourself in a small, dark box, and sing songs to
a T.V. screen while getting blitzed.
23.If you look at the tree in your from yard during Autumn and get misty eyed as
the leaves fall down.
24. If you have the preponderance to study with great care every life form
residing in your house, paying special attention not to kill any spiders.
25. You section off your rooms with Shoji screens.
-If you or a loved one is suffering from any of the above symptoms, do not
attempt to intervene alone. Call our 24 support center at 1-800-HenaGaijin today
to receive your free kit on how to bring your loved one into our facilities to be
reprogrammed. Kit also comes with 10 emergency Taco-Bell coupons, A
Western set of Cowboy Boots, and video tapes of "Gilligan's Island" and the
"Brady Bunch"
Also comes with a "Dukes of Hazard" Poster.
Don't let this disease take your Fried-Chicken eating, two shower a week T.V.
Loving Beer Drinking Red Blooded Good old boy you know and love.
Call now, before it's too late.
~Meta
------------------
If you overlook the Way right before your
eyes, how will you know the path beneath
your feet? Advancing has nothing to do with
near and far, yet delusion creates obstacles
high and wide. Students of the mystery, I
humbly urge you, don't waste a moment, night
or day!
- Shih-t'ou (700-790)
[This message has been edited by MetaBaron (edited January 02, 2001).]
